The most gripping social truth for adults: 99% of your efforts are useless.
The most gripping social truth for adults: 99% of your efforts are useless.
The heart changes the heart, but if you can't change it, turn around.

I see a question on Zhihu: what are the cruel truths in life?

there is a highly praised answer that goes like this: 99% of the social interaction between adults is useless.

this is indeed the case when you think about it.

when we interact with people, we always look forward to changing our hearts and longing to be cherished.

but the reality is that most of the time, your efforts are useless.

not all hearts can be exchanged for feelings

writer Lu Sihao said:

"We run around, pay more and more carefully, can't afford to waste time; sincerity is getting rarer and rarer, we can't afford to spend day and night."

on the way of life, we will meet all kinds of people, but not all of them are worthy of deep acquaintance.

Yue Yunpeng once told a story of himself in the program.

even though he graduated for many years, he always gave his heart to this friend and responded to everything he asked for.

every time something happens to a friend, he spares no effort to help him. No matter what the reason, he does not hesitate to lend money to his friend.

as a result, after a long time, he suddenly found that this friend had a problem: he always repaid him only a small part of the money first, and then borrowed more money from him.

for example, borrow 30,000 to repay 8000, and then continue to borrow 50,000.

when he came and went, his friend borrowed a lot of money from him, but he had no intention of paying it back.

it was only later that he found out that this friend didn't do his job all day and often went out to play cards with people.

discovered this, Yue Yunpeng directly gave the friend 10,000 yuan, bought out the relationship between the two, and completely severed diplomatic relations with him.

not all hearts in this world can be exchanged for feelings, and not all efforts can be exchanged for the same return.

some people, no matter how kind you are to them, they don't know how to cherish them.

as there is a saying:

"if you are affectionate, others may not be righteous; if you are wholehearted, others may not be wholehearted. If you give a true heart, it may not come to a good end. "

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the heart changes the heart, but if you can't change it, turn around.

when people reach a certain age, false friends do not have to make deep friends, and relationships that are not worth it do not have to be maintained.

most social interactions are invalid

I have read such a paragraph:

"invalid 'friends' are like superfluous items that seem to actually exist, but they are actually useless at all.

will only occupy your space and make your world disturbing and crowded. "

most of the time, we think that the more friends, the better, and the more social, the cooler.

in fact, most social interactions are ineffective.

A netizen on Weibo told his story.

he said that in the past, as long as he didn't work, he would find friends to go out for fun, and friends would bring their own friends.

over time, he knows more and more people, and whenever he wants to go out to play, he can always find someone.

at that time, in his opinion, he had many friends and a large circle, and they were all good brothers who talked to each other.

until once, when something happened to his family and needed help, the people who often went out with him on weekdays hid farther and ran faster than anyone else.

only then did he realize that the previous games of pushing cups and changing cups were just time-consuming and laborious ineffective socializing, which was of no use at all.

Feng Jicai said: "mediocre people fill the emptiness with excitement, and excellent people make themselves by being alone."

people with poorer ideas are more interested in useless, low-quality social activities.

people who are really smart and mature know how to use their staggered time to do really useful things.

Zhou Guoping is such a wise man.

he has written in his book that he has always refused all kinds of meaningless interviews, wine bureaus, parties, etc., and would rather free up time or enrich himself.

in his view, to bid farewell to the noise of the outside world and find peace of mind and solitude is a more important ability than going out to communicate.

"I never get bored or bored when I'm alone, and it's the hardest thing for me to chat and flatter with unimportant people.

I feel very full and satisfied to read and write at home every day and taste the ordinary human affection with my wife and daughter. "

the better people are, the more they know how to cut off unnecessary socializing and spend their time and energy on meaningful things.

because they understand that too lively communication is often empty, it will only waste your time and energy.

there is no other use.

when you are useful, you have the most friends

writer Li Xiaomo said:

"even for those who don't care, there is a scale hidden in the subconscious, secretly weighing whether a person is worth interacting with and quietly figuring out whether a person is useful to him or her."

the essence of social interaction is reciprocity, and it's no use knowing anyone when you're not good.

in the variety show "listen to Sister", the actor Jao Jingwen talked about his own embarrassing experience.

finally have one.For the second time, she was invited by a friend to a dinner with a famous director present.

during the meal, she, who has always been inarticulate, plucked up the courage to take the initiative, toasting the director and handing out business cards.

although the director didn't know her, luckily, she added the big director's Wechat to the dinner.

, in order to impress the director a little bit, he would send New year's greetings to the director every time during the Spring Festival.

who wanted to wait until the third year when she posted again, and found that she had been blocked by the director.

We always think that as long as we know some big names and awesome people in the industry, we will have contacts and more paths.

ignores the fact that when one's own strength is limited and his influence is not enough, it is useless to know no matter how good he is.

because socializing also needs to be evenly matched.

many people know that Lu Xun is not only the teacher of the female writer Xiao Hong, but also a very good friend of Xiao Hong.

when the two first met, Lu Xun was already famous and well-known in the literary world.

then, why did Xiao Hong enter Lu Xun's circle, be highly recommended and promoted by Lu Xun, and evaluate her as "the most promising female writer in China today"?

the way to meet awesome people is very simple, that is, they are good enough to have equal capital to communicate with them.

Zhou Guoping said: "what makes a kind of communication valuable is not the communication itself, but the respective values of the communicators."

when you are strong enough and valuable enough, you will naturally attract more powerful people to approach you.

an unchanging truth in the social arena is that you have the most friends when you are useful.

when you are not strong enough and good enough, don't spend too much valuable time socializing and attending all kinds of parties. Spend more time reading books and improving your professional skills.

give up those useless social activities, improve yourself, and your world will be bigger.

on the road of life, what is more important than shuttling through the lights and wine is to improve your own strength;

what is more useful than socializing and delving into contacts is your own value.

so instead of spending a lot of time meeting innocuous people, waste your energy on meaningless socializing.

it is better to work hard to improve yourself, and first make yourself good enough.

when you are good, you don't have to chase and curry favor with anyone. There are plenty of like-minded people coming to you.

, share with your friends.