huangezishiba

dormitory 506, dormitory Building 24, Shanghai Maritime University.

Yang Yuanyuan crouched with his back to the sink, a rope tied with a towel and a pillow towel, one end tied to her neck and the other over the faucet behind her.

she ended her life in this extremely painful way.

the classmate said that the sink is less than one meter from the ground, and as long as she has the slightest desire to survive, she can stand up and return to life at any time.

but Yang Yuanyuan didn 't. she was unusually determined to bid farewell to the world.

this is an old case, less than 70 days after Yang Yuanyuan entered the school.

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the complicated and confusing cause of suicide has aroused heated debate in the public. Who on earth forced her to this stage?

after many years, the answer is still shocking.

the media summed up Yang Yuanyuan's first half of her life in Yichang in 16 words: "she lost her father when she was young, her family was poor, her mother went to school with her, and she had no fixed abode."

others concluded, "this is the life of a girl whose wings were cut off by her mother."

Yang Yuanyuan, who likes law, wants to apply to Dalian Maritime University to see the outside world.

Mother Wang Ruiling said no, because "the journey is too long and the cost is too high", which forced her to attend Wuhan University, which is close to home.

when Yang Yuanyuan was a junior, Wang Ruiling lived in her dormitory.

the reason is that the factory dormitory was relocated, and many people spent 35000 yuan to move into new houses. Wang Ruiling thought it was expensive, but she didn't want to live in a desolate and dilapidated old house.

in a single bed of less than 1.2 meters, mother and daughter slept for two years.

Picture Source @ Phoenix Satellite TV "Social visibility"

after graduating from college, Yang Yuanyuan had two opportunities to change his fate.

she was admitted to work as a civil servant in a small town, but Wang Ruiling forbade her to go because "it's too humiliating for a talented student to go to a small county, and he can't earn any money."

Picture Source @ Phoenix Satellite TV "Social visibility"

after 8 years of work, Wang Ruiling asked her to be admitted to the university in Shanghai, because she had worked in Shanghai and liked this colorful city very much.

so she stipulated to her daughter: "if your brother goes to Beijing, you will go to Shanghai."

Picture Source @ Phoenix Satellite TV "Social visibility"

after being admitted by Shanghai Maritime, Yang Yuanyuan thought he was finally relieved.

at that time, my brother was studying for a doctorate in Beijing and offered to pick up his mother, but Wang Ruiling refused and insisted on living with her daughter.

so the freshmen entered school, and Wang Ruiling once again moved into Yang Yuanyuan's dormitory.

roommates can't stand it, so they apply for transfer or move out one by one.

when the school found out, it asked Wang Ruiling to move out as soon as possible, and did her best to contact a house with a monthly rent of 450 yuan for mother and daughter.

at that time, Wang Ruiling's pension had risen to more than 900 yuan, and Yang Yuanyuan also received more than 300 subsidies every month.

but Wang Ruiling is not satisfied with all this.

under a round of heavy pressure, Yang Yuanyuan finally collapsed and chose to leave on an ordinary morning.

Tianya netizens

@ Water Demon in the afternoon

say:

"I can't imagine how she has lived for more than 30 years.

because her mother is always around, has no personal space, no personal time, and a small corner without her own feelings-mother seems to have become the other half that she can't get rid of in this life.

so she can't find a partner or start falling in love.

wherever she goes, she takes her mother, who is not old or sick, and always lives under her supervision and control. "

Wang Ruiling is like a rattan man, wrapped tightly around her daughter until her daughter dies of her morbid parasitism.

Yang Yuanyuan's experience is not alone.

A 25-year-old girl once posted a complaint against her parents. She wrote:

"for most of my life, my parents were too bossy and over-intervened.

I love them very much, but this growth process affects what kind of person I become. I am very shy, introverted and unable to maintain a long-term friendship. "

when she was a child, she was only allowed to keep in touch with two female classmates.

one is because of good grades, and the other is that both parents know each other.

at the age of 13, her parents began to censor every netizen who came into contact with her, flip through email and text messages, and delete them selectively.

growing up, parents will adhere to the access control: they must be home by 9: 00 p. M., or they will go to the police.

if she is not home by 9 o'clock, her parents will be bombarded with text messages.

she is 15 years old, and her mother still holds her hand when crossing the street.

there are several brothers and sisters in the family, and the one most affected is her eldest brother.

30-year-old people who have never worked.

"he never leaves home and plays games at home every day."

she is the same, unable to make friends, can not integrate into social relations, but can not be alone, the whole person is in a mess.

when she had a mental disorder and collapsed, she remembered only one sentence that her mother had said:

"you ask me when I can leave you alone and hold you back?

I'm telling you, I used to take care of you, and now I'm in charge of you. When you're 40, I'll still be in charge of you as I am now! "

she feels that her parents are everywhere in her life.

like a blood-sucking leeches, firmly attached to her body, can not shake off, is about to collapse.

the girl's complaint has been resonated by countless netizens.

they say:

being parasitized by parents is a more frightening experience than being attacked by parents' indifference.

the latter is equivalent to lack of food and clothing, poor is pitiful, but there is still a way to live.

being parasitized by parents means that the whole person is wrapped in boundless sticky glue and suffocates to death.

the concept of "morbid symbiosis" was first put forward by teacher Wu Zhihong.

first, parents invade their children's lives, and children cannot be separated from their parents even as adults.

second, parents cannot accept children who go against their wishes, and even if they dislike them, they will morbidly satisfy and cater to all their parents' expectations.

"you have me, and I have you. Two generations share the same body and mind, and life is entangled with each other."

this is a frequent family conflict, but also accompanied by the most hurtful pain.

some people say that every time I come home from holiday, I will feel deeply depressed and suffocated.

360 °was invaded by parents without a dead angle, like being thrown into a confined space with vacuum and lack of oxygen, making it difficult to breathe.

some children deliberately cater to and please their parents, but they are unable to really open their hearts and feel inexplicably lonely.

on the surface, he is laughing and careless, but on the inside he is always sensitive and suspicious.

the most serious "morbid symbiosis" parent-child relationships often point to cruel family tragedies.

after all, a body can only bear one soul. If the parents forcibly occupy it, either you or I will die with the child in the end.

Yang Yuanyuan is the most typical case, and the girl who posted the complaint is an experience that many people have had.

to take the simplest example, there is a topic in the Roundtable on why most parents always tease their children and pick them up in the trash can.

Dou Wentao says that this is essentially the parents' hidden desire for control, that is, "I make you afraid, I let you laugh."

Courage to be hated, the author mercilessly exposes such a parent-child relationship:

"all interpersonal contradictions are caused by arbitrary interference in other people's subjects, or their own subjects are interfered by others."

Unfortunately, the conflicts among family members are often parents who are too worried and always like to interfere in their children's issues.

in fact, most of the time, parents are not really for the good of their children, but for their own face, vanity and desire for dominance. "

just like Yang Yuanyuan's mother, forcing her daughter to go to school in her favorite city, she was forced to huddle with her daughter in a college dormitory when she had a place to live.

when she huddled on her daughter's narrow and cramped cot, watching her daughter endure the white eyes and sarcasm of the people around her, and didn't even have a friend to speak her heart, didn't she ever think of her own transgression and deprivation?

I guess she probably had this idea for a few moments, but she was used to not treating her child as an independent, real life.

she clings to her daughter just to control her and bring herself back to life.

in the movie, people with parasitic diseases are not intact, either the brain is abnormal or the host dies.

in reality, many children who commit suicide also result from the encroachment of parasite parents.

time magazine once published an article about the phenomenon that "parents are excessively involved in their children's lives".

: "response" and "request".

give a greater response to the needs of children, and have high requirements for children's independent personality and sense of responsibility.

only in this way can the children have a higher sense of self-worth, identity, sense of security and interpersonal skills.

to achieve these two points, appropriate "separation and letting go" and adequate "respect and equality" are the key points.

but the vast majority of parents do not fulfill these two keywords well.

the most Beautiful Education and the simplest, teacher Yin Jianli once mentioned this sentence:

"parents' first task is to be close to their children and take care of their growth; the second task is to separate from their children and promote their independence.

if you do the reverse order, you are doing something unnatural, which not only makes the child's childhood barren, but also suffocates the child's adult life.

the deepest fate in life tends to be true only in this drifting away. "

one of the conditions for a good parent is to be able to put up with the feeling of being "abandoned" when their children grow up.

this is not a derogatory term, but an undeniable fact: the older children grow up, the farther away they are from their parents.

No one wants to be tied to an umbilical cord for a lifetime.

this is the only way for them, and it is also the reality we have to face eventually.

as teacher Kui Qifeng said:

"the more promising children are, the more likely they are to abandon their parents because they have to go farther away and meet more like-minded people.

if you want to create your own world, you are bound to be farther and farther away from your parents, because he is getting closer and closer to him.

so, they will be separated from the original family, and the abandoned parents, too.Get ready as soon as possible, draw your eyes away from the excessive attention and expectations of your children, return to yourself, and be yourself.