Care too much about others and you lose.
Care too much about others and you lose.
Love yourself before you love others.

writer Ma de wrote in the Age of Mask growing into facial skin:

"sometimes, the more you care about the world, the less you feel about being. The more you care about others, the harder it is to live out of yourself. "

when people reach middle age, they more and more find that the most rare thing in the world is sincerity.

from those who care about being disappointed and those who are rejected, I slowly realized a truth:

if love is too full, it will backfire.

for the rest of your life, you might as well be "selfish" in dealing with people.

because you care too much about others, you lose.

overpay, in return for exhaustion

in "that Day of that year", there is a saying: "if you take everything to heart, don't you have to live too hard?"

sometimes we care about a person and give everything for him for nothing in return.

however, after a long time, I always feel physically and mentally exhausted.

my friend is old, and he shared his own experience with me some time ago.

year-old friend Xiao Mu, because his father was suddenly hospitalized, it was difficult to take care of his son's daily life, so he asked for help to take care of his son every year.

at first, every year was just to help pick up the children and prepare three meals for the children.

however, a few days later, Xiao Mu's son made a scene at school, clamoring for his mother.

he couldn't bear to distract Xiao Gu, so he asked for annual leave with the company and took the child home to pacify him personally.

day after day, the annual leave is over, and Xiao Gi's father is not well.

in desperation, I had to ask for leave every year, and I was busy with two children every day, often until midnight.

husband not only doesn't understand, but also complains all the time.

for a full month, every year is busier than at work, with no more than five hours of rest a day.

as year-old himself said: "I want to help my friends, but sometimes I feel tired."

this is only natural. After all, we spend our whole lives just to make ourselves comfortable, not to work for others.

it's like a line in the TV series who says I can't get married: "A long-term and comfortable relationship depends on generality and attraction, rather than blindly giving and moral self-touching."

it is inevitable for people to help each other, but once the help has gone too far, the original goodwill will turn into complaints.

No matter how good the relationship is, don't overdraw yourself because of others.

within the limits of your ability, doing your best is already a reward for true feelings.

if everything goes too far, if you just fight with yourself again and hurt yourself, you may also hurt each other's feelings.

the love of the world, say the word "degree", you should know that only if you pay appropriately, the love will last long.

excessive flattery leads to grievances

there is a sentence in Aesop's Fables:

"I tried to please everyone, but I couldn't please anyone."

No one in the world can satisfy everyone.

to please, you can't get your heart. On the contrary, you will let yourself get lost in others' standards.

in the variety show "Friends Please listen", listener Nannan shared his life experience.

Nannan has been a flattering personality since she was a child. In order to make everyone like herself, she tries hard to cater to everyone's preferences.

in order to please her mother, she would rather do what she didn't want to do.

later, Nannan became a teacher, but her character remained the same.

if a colleague has something at home, if he wants to find a substitute teacher, he must be the first to find Nannan, because she will never refuse anyone's request.

in order to win everyone's favor, Nannan would rather get up two hours early and make a detour to buy breakfast for her colleagues.

in addition, Nannan will even please the students.

she dared not blame the students for playing with their mobile phones in class.

in order to get the students to do their homework, Nannan paid out of his own pocket to buy gifts for the students, but no students bought them.

sometimes she wants to say "no" to her colleagues and criticize her students severely.

but as a result, she fell into deep self-remorse and guilt.

Nannan did so much, not only failed to win the love of others, but also earned a handful of tears.

in the book "Girl, you live too soft", the author Yao Linjun also mentioned his own experience.

before, if someone gave her a leaf, she wanted to go back to a garden right away.

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when she does anything, she will consider whether others are happy and satisfied.

but slowly she found that the friends she tried to please had never been moved.

she put others first, let others get used to it, and put her first in everything.

writer Liu Tong once said: "be kind to people, but not flattering."

people who care about you are not willing to please you, but those who don't care about you, it is futile to please people no matter how much they please.

it is difficult to be happy when we take the initiative to put ourselves in an unequal relationship and wronge ourselves to please others.

every time you force yourself, it is the beginning of an emotional vicious circle.

keep falling into a world of living for othersI haven't even looked at myself who really needs to be cared about.

such a life is by no means our original intention.

there will be good friends, and so can white-headed people. however, these feelings are not sought, but because you are worth it.

do not force, do not force, be yourself, everything will embrace each other.

too much expectation leads to disappointment

in this world, many things go against one's wishes and stem from expectation.

such a story is told in Zweig's short story Twenty-four hours in a woman's Life.

Mrs. C, who lost her husband in middle age, met a young man in France and was deeply attracted by him.

however, this man is a gambler through and through.

Mrs. C hopes to save the man from the chaos of life.

to this end, she did not hesitate to admonish the man in the heavy rain.

hire a carriage and arrange accommodation for him.

even after the man told his story, he paid off the debt he owed.

the man swore that he would never gamble again, and agreed to meet Mrs. C at the railway station the next day.

but who would have thought that Mrs. C waited until the train left the station and did not wait for the figure of the man.

when Mrs. C returned to the casino, she found that the man was addicted to gambling again with little money.

in just one day, Mrs. C tried to change a person completely.

she thinks that young men can go astray and that the two of them can be together forever.

unexpectedly, this is her wishful thinking.

the man failed Mrs. C, and Mrs. C was completely disappointed.

and it all boils down to high expectations.

there is a formula in economics:

Happiness = utility /expectation.

when the utility is certain, the smaller one's expectations, the happier one will be.

if you really care about a person, you will inevitably have expectations.

however, life is difficult to achieve and expectations are difficult to achieve.

instead of betting emotional weights on others, it is better to have no illusions from the beginning.

if life suddenly fills in some honey, we will regard it as a surprise.

if not, I will not be disappointed. Keeping a normal mind and lowering expectations is the highest self-discipline of adults.

if you look down on the results, despise what you want, and don't ask about the future, you naturally have nothing to worry about.

when one reaches middle age, one learns to be selfish

as Cai Kangyong said:

"I encourage you to be a cold person. Being too enthusiastic is not a way to maintain a good relationship."

the way to be a man and do things and get along with each other lies in the word "degree".

it is difficult to maintain a relationship that is too hard.

things are precious because they are rare. If you don't pay too much, you will benefit others as well as yourself.

people's energy is so limited that if they give it to others, they will naturally give less to themselves.

only when you are good to yourself, never deceive others.

, for the rest of your life, may you be a "selfish" person, love yourself first and then love others.